If you wonder why your partner is suddenly thinking of divorce, ask the question: “Do we still trust each other?”
Being able to depend on one another is an important element of a trusting relationship. If someone is going to trust you, he must be confident that your word is golden. She must be certain she can count on you.
If you promise your wife that your are going to cut the grass next Saturday, do you get it done? Or, do you cut the grass three weeks later after the garden party?
When you tell your husband that you will pick up the kids from school, do you do it? Or do you often call him at the last minute because of some unexpected event or obligation to ask him to pick them up instead? Can he count on you?
When you assure your boss that the report on which you are working will be ready by next Wednesday so that she can review it before presenting to the client, do you get it done? Or do you get it to her 1 hour before her meeting with the client?
The senarios above are examples of broken promises that can quickly erode confidence in you, and put a strain on your relationship. They may not seem like much at the time, but over time they add up. The trusting person will begin to wonder if you can be trusted. She may still like you or love you, but over time she may lose respect for you. He may feel that he can’t count on you.
Frequently, loss of trust creates conflict. Not only may the loss of trust create conflict, it often results in disputes over trivial topics. One of the most important things a mediator does is to create a safe space for couples to rebuild trust and confidence.